Participant ID: P12
Pseudonym: Tyler
Age: 18
Gender: Man
Occupation: On a gap year; works part time at a coffee shop
Living situation: Lives with parents in Langley
Relevant context: Just turned 18; high social anxiety; deferred university; most friends from high school left for university in September
Interview date: 2025-11-24
Interview length: 26 minutes
Interviewer: R2
Location: Online

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I: Thanks for joining, Tyler. Tell me about yourself.

P: Um, yeah. I'm 18. I just turned 18 in October. I'm — I was supposed to go to UBC this fall but I deferred. I have, like, anxiety, and I wasn't ready. So I'm at home, I work like 25 hours a week at a coffee shop, and I'm just, um, I'm trying to figure stuff out, I guess.

I: When I say loneliness, what comes to mind?

P: Watching all my friends' Instagram stories about university and being on my couch in my parents' basement. That's it. Like, that's the picture. Just — Asher's at McGill, Sienna's at U of T, Jack's at SFU and we still see each other sometimes but it's like — he has university friends now, and I'm just — I'm the one who didn't go. So I feel like I'm in a different category of person now.

I: How does it feel?

P: Heavy. Like my body feels heavy. I sleep too much. I'll go to bed at like 11 and sleep until 11. I'm gaining weight. I, um — I play a lot of video games. My screen time is bad. I know it's bad.

I: Is it different from being alone?

P: I think — I think being alone doesn't bother me much because I'm pretty introverted. Like, I'd rather be alone than at a party. But this is different because it's not, like, by choice. It's more like, everyone else has moved on and I'm stuck. So it's about being left behind, more than being alone.

I: Tell me a recent example.

P: Last weekend. Like a bunch of my friends came back for the long weekend, and they all hung out, and they didn't invite me. I don't know if they forgot or if I'm just not — anyway, I saw the photos Monday morning on Instagram and that was bad. That was a bad day.

I: What did you do?

P: I, um, I played Elden Ring for like nine hours and ate frozen pizza. My mom asked what was wrong at dinner and I said nothing. Yeah.

I: Have you tried things that helped?

P: My coffee shop job, kind of? Like, there's a manager there, her name's Holly, she's like 28, and she's — she's been really nice to me. We talk during slow shifts. She's not, like, my friend exactly, but she's a person who's nice to me and that helps. I like going to work, even though I didn't think I would.

I: What didn't work?

P: My parents tried to get me to go to, like, a young adults group at the church. I'm not religious. It was awful. I went once. Everyone there was very intense about Jesus and I just — that's not me. I felt more alone there than at home.

I: Have you sought help?

P: I see a therapist. Once a week. My parents pay. He's okay. We're working on, like, exposure stuff for the anxiety. It's slow. I want to be able to apply to university in February for next September. So I'm trying.

I: What does your loneliness tell you?

P: That I'm scared. That I deferred because I was scared and now I'm — now I'm watching the consequences of being scared, which is being left behind. And I have to figure out how to do the scary thing because otherwise this is going to keep happening.

I: Do you think of yourself as a lonely person?

P: I think of myself as a person who has been lonely for a long time, actually. Like, in high school I was lonely too. I had friends but I didn't feel — I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. So I think this is a continuation of something, not a new thing.

I: Anything that helped that surprised you?

P: My dog. We got a puppy in August. He's a — he's a corgi mix, his name is Beans. And he doesn't care that I'm not at university. He just thinks I'm his favourite person. And that — yeah. That helps more than I would have predicted.

I: If you could change one thing about how society handles loneliness?

P: I think — okay, I think the whole "you go to university right after high school and that's your social life sorted" thing is a trap for people like me. Like, if you don't fit that path, the social structure of your generation kind of locks you out. There should be more for people who aren't doing the standard thing.

I: Anything I haven't asked?

P: No, I think that's — yeah. That's about it. Thanks though.
